Recently, I came across this article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/16/little-girls-lingerie_n_928219.html?ref=fb&src=sp
We have come into a bad habit in this country of sexualizing young children, particularly young girls. With clothing trends showing an increase in dressing young girls like adults as well as program's like Toddlers in Tiaras, society is creating a generation of young girls that are encouraged to look much older than they are. Society is currently sexualizing children.
This is not to say that pedophilia and the attraction to children is acceptable. Attraction to children is unjustifiable and despicable, no matter what the reason. This is also not to say that one should blame the children themselves for wanting to dress like grown ups. If we are constantly telling little girls that their worth lies in their appearances they are of course going to want to appear beautiful, to become 'worthy.' When they look towards images of what is considered beautiful and see fellow young girls in 'sexy' underwear or see the girls that are being paraded around on Toddler's in Tiaras, they will of course want to emulate what they see.
It is our country's current mentality to frequently blame the victim. Let's take a case that is often comes up: A fourteen year old girl sleeps with a twenty some year old man. The fourteen year old dresses 'sexually' because society tells women from a very young age that her worth is in her beauty and her beauty is defined by her body. What is often said is that in these cases of statutory rape we often hear the phrase, "Well she knew what she was doing! It's not his fault..." I can agree with that to a certain extent.
It is our country's current mentality to frequently blame the victim. Let's take a case that is often comes up: A fourteen year old girl sleeps with a twenty some year old man. The fourteen year old dresses 'sexually' because society tells women from a very young age that her worth is in her beauty and her beauty is defined by her body. What is often said is that in these cases of statutory rape we often hear the phrase, "Well she knew what she was doing! It's not his fault..." I can agree with that to a certain extent.
When I was sixteen, I had to very good friends, M and D. D and I would get in the back of M's truck while he would speed down country roads. D and I would stand up and see who could stand the longest. This was plain stupid and dangerous. Of course we 'knew' this. We weren't stupid, we knew we could get hurt. But knowing the consequences of an action is not the same as understanding the consequences of an action. Teenagers brains are still in development. While their brains are almost finished developing, they are missing a crucial part of the frontal cortex; the part that can fully connect A to B. Yes, they know that X,Y,or Z or illegal, or dangerous but that doesn't mean they can understand that is can happen to them, or that they really understand what it means. A fourteen year old girl may think she understands the consequences of sex with an older man, but that doesn't mean she actually comprehends it. This is why statutory rape is a crime.
I suppose what I have been trying to say is that a woman is taught that her worth, from a very young age, is in her appearance and in her sexuality. I recently read a statistic that over half of girls between the ages of three to six are afraid that they are fat. These are children. They should have no reason to even begin to worry about whether or not they are attractive. These young girls, these toddlers, have learned that if they want to be praised or worthy, they must be attractive. Ironically enough, a woman is also taught to be ashamed of her sexuality. She is not supposed to seek out sex, she is not supposed to express her enjoyment of sex. To do so is shameful. And yet, it is her worth. We are taught that we are worth only what we provide sexually but it is dirty and wrong. I am of course speaking in generalizations but I do find it to be a frightening state of affairs.
I suppose what I have been trying to say is that a woman is taught that her worth, from a very young age, is in her appearance and in her sexuality. I recently read a statistic that over half of girls between the ages of three to six are afraid that they are fat. These are children. They should have no reason to even begin to worry about whether or not they are attractive. These young girls, these toddlers, have learned that if they want to be praised or worthy, they must be attractive. Ironically enough, a woman is also taught to be ashamed of her sexuality. She is not supposed to seek out sex, she is not supposed to express her enjoyment of sex. To do so is shameful. And yet, it is her worth. We are taught that we are worth only what we provide sexually but it is dirty and wrong. I am of course speaking in generalizations but I do find it to be a frightening state of affairs.
Word. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, seeing as I'm about to come into several nieces and a lot of what i seeing in the way we treat young girls bothers me.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/dont-dumb-girls-down-20110829-1jh86.html
ONE of the biggest shames with toddlers learning to be worried about their appearance and being dressed up like little dolls and groomed to exude that sparkle (sexuality) is that this is taught to them by their MOTHERS! I am not sure of the percentage of men involved with teaching babies about their sexuality via the beauty pageant circa but I would imagine the numbers are fairly low compared to the involvement of women. And much of the rest you mentioned is all tied up in guilt and the transference of guilt. It was a woman who listened to the sssssssnake and she caused MAN to be banished from Eden, and it is woman who is the temptress and on and on and on. Society is bi-polar in their expectations of the genders. Bi-polar because there are expectations set forth for both female and male that encourage openness and then punishes the sinners that respond to societies grooming (propagated by media) and that is a whole other rant I could get into. Thanks for sharing you thoughts.
ReplyDeleteM
I actually have you to thank for me writing this, Alexis! I saw that you linked to that article the other day and it really got me thinking. It's absolutely awful how we treat girls. That article definitely got me thinking about how I talk to young girls.
ReplyDeleteMaryanne, I agree you you completely. I also don't think it is just mother-daughter, it's a lot of different female to female relations. some of the most misogynistic comments made are by women to other women.
Also another reason why statutory rape (even if the girl is somewhat old enough to understand the consequences) is bad is because children need to have childhoods. Often times when your young you want to be older (mainly because our society idealizes young adults). So girls may think that in order to become older they must have sex then their childhood is cut short.
ReplyDeleteVery true, Alyssa, Oh this world makes me sad
ReplyDeleteIn the past couple years I've had several friends and family members start having children. Most of them have had boys. And, you know what's sad? They've been relieved to have boys. It's almost as if our society has made raising girls too difficult. Even though our culture is cramming over-idealization of women down our throats, we'd rather take the easy route (by having a boy) and not have to worry about making the small yet crucial steps to make our daughters have low self-images.
ReplyDeleteI recently learned that I'm going to be having a niece in early January. Maybe this is petty of me, but bear with me. I knew regardless of the gender, my brother's child was going to be a Capricorn like me. This gave me a good giggle, and became a fun joke. But upon learning that my NIECE would be a Capricorn, I actually felt inspired. Inspired to not only be a supportive sister to my bro (who is arguably going through one of the biggest changes in his life) but also be a strong and supportive role model to this little girl.
Is it naive to think this little girl won't have self-esteem issues, and body issues? Yes. I think our culture is too far gone on that front to even believe that it won't enter the picture. But, it's our duty as parents, aunts, uncles, and friends to encourage little girls to be more than a pageant princess.
I meant "to PREVENT our daughters from having low self-esteem."
ReplyDeleteWhoa. I am out of it.
exceptionally well said, Lindz!
ReplyDeleteI think the best thing we can do is what you are planning on doing with your niece: simply to be strong and supportive role models. I agree that it is far too naive to suggest that anyone will be able to raise a child without any self image issues, but hopefully with enough support and guidance a young girl(or boy for that matter) can learn to deal with them in a constructive way.