My addiction to indecision just might make me disappear, but then again, my addiction to indecision is what keeps me here

A lot has happened since my last blog entry. I have had a bit of an existential "What do I want to do with my life?!" break down. For many, many years now my dream job was to become a therapist. This was something I did not question, it was simply my goal and I really thought I wanted to do it. However, I am slowly beginning to doubt this. I find myself not really looking forward to my psychotherapy class and had a sense of panic and dread before I was assigned my client. This feeling has lessened slightly since I was assigned my client, but it still has left me thinking. I get really excited when I go to my psychopathology class and find myself constantly asking researchy type questions and wanting to know the answers to them. I have begun to really examine what I want to do with my life and I realized that in an ideal world, as I mentioned on facebook, I would finish up my Clinical Masters, get a Criminal Justice Masters from UNC, and then go to Widener(which I am told has a program where you can get your PhD and law degree at the same time). This would give me a chance to really broaden my horizons and work in both the psychology world and the world of law.
Unfortunately, I do not live in an ideal world. Money is very much an issue. A bachelors degree that I have yet to even begin to pay off, two Masters degrees, and a PhD/a law degree would be astronomically expensive and I find myself not having the several hundred thousand dollars, it would take.
So, realistically, I have no idea what I want to do. I definitely want to do something involving psychology because it is my passion but apart from that...I'm at a loss. I think I would enjoy being a victims advocate but that might also 'burn me out' emotionally fairly quickly, but then again, it may not. I also think I would be a really good Psychology Professor and I think I would enjoy doing it. But, I also know that university's are hurting financially and are not really wanting to actually hire professors full time right now so again, it comes back to money stopping me.
Woof.
In addition to this life crisis, Sae(Shannon's preferred nickname) is going to fly back to Colorado for two months to take care of family. Grandma(Sae's) is not doing so well, and both Mary Anne and Julie(Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law) are having to have medical procedures done so they need Sae there. I of course understand why it needs to happen, but it's still painful when we are apart and we've never, ever come close to being away from each other for that long. I know that two months isn't actually a long time but it is when you've spend only a handful of nights apart from someone for the last four and a half years. *Sigh* I know it will be okay, it's just sad to think about.
I think that is all I have for now. I was going to talk about how school is going currently but looking at the clock, I see that I am already potentially going to be late for school so I should probably cut this short!

Excitement, scary spiders, stupid phones, and babies

I am  continuing to really enjoy my school. Tonight, in particular was an absolutely amazing night. In Psychopathology, We were talking about OCD and she mentioned that science is finding that it is largely caused by dopamine levels(and yet usually treated by changing serotonin levels). So I asked if there had ever been any research on the affects of smoking and OCD as I know that it helps schizophrenics. She and I discussed this for a while and she said, "You really and truly think like a researcher. You need to contact doctoral programs now with this type of research line. When you are ready to enter a program, they will remember you." I just thought this was really exciting! She also recommend that I talked to the head of the psychology graduate department and ask her about what sort of research I would be able to conduct. My little nerd heart pitter patters... 


I just noticed that my font change for some reason...That's weird. Anyway I think I shall end this post with a series of open letters to things/creatures/people who are not able to respond....


Dear Super Scary Spider that decided to live on car: 
Where the hell did you go? I first saw you several days ago building an exceptionally large web at an exceptionally fast speed between the antenna of my car and the passenger side mirror. This is most likely because you were exceptionally large with a very fat rearend and bright colors. I can only assume that means you are evil and plan on killing me. You survived intense rainstorms and I thought that you had died until you made another crazy web on my car. I saw you again while driving to school this morning. You were just "chilling", acting like it was not at all scary to be dangling in midair and going forty miles an hour. I looked away to pay attention to the road and you were gone. Now, I want to believe you blew away but I know that's bullshit. You are survivor. I know that you are waiting somewhere, maybe even inside my car somehow, to eat me. Please go away. 


Alexis 


Dear Phone, 
While I appreciate that you waited until I had an upgrade to start breaking, otherwise your timing couldn't be worse. My best friend is about to give birth to her first child, for all intense and purposes my niece. I would like to be able to get the call about this happening but that won't happen if you keep randomly shutting off for no discernible reason. Also, your deciding to randomly freeze every five minutes is also not very helpful. 
You are being replaced by an iphone with in a week. Deal with it. 


Alexis 


Dear Molly Christine, 
Your mommy and daddy are really excited to meet you. Your mommy is also really excited for you to be outside of her so she can see your pretty face and you can stop kicking her all over. I know you are now only two days late but if you could come soon, we would all be very happy and excited. I, for one, cannot wait to meet you in April. 
See you soon, 


Alexis. 

Brain, why you no turn on good?

So, I have survived the first two weeks of grad school! As I haven't talked about my Child in the Family System class, I suppose I'll share how that one is going. It's....an interesting experience. The class is more of a developmental psych, or Life Span Development as is the new popular term, than an actual examination of how children relate within a family. I'm actually sort of disappointed by this as I thought it would have been interesting to examine different types of families and the psychological affects on a child as he or she develops. But I'm a nerd like that.
I also have a bit of a gripe with the professor. She tends to homogenize groups of people which is one of my many personal pet peeves. For instance, on Tuesday night we were discussing people with Down's Syndrome. She stated that all people with Down Syndrome are absolutely wonderful sweet natured people....Well, the cheery disposition isn't one of the symptoms of Down Syndrome. If she had said, "In General..." I would have been okay but for some reason this annoyed me. I hate when a marginalized group of people are lumped into one personality characteristic. I see it happen a lot in the gay community. "All gay men are so catty!" or "Lesbians just aren't funny(A personal side note, Fuck you, I'm hilarious)." It's not that these statements can't be applied to some gay men and women, but you can't say they all are.
I wasn't really angry but it was more of a small annoyance. But other than that, I really enjoy the class. I have a forty minute presentation coming up in a few weeks on Childhood Obesity. It should be interesting as my group member and I plan on talking about food deserts, the affects on self esteem in males versus females, etc.

So far, I actually haven't had too much experience in the classroom as Monday was Labor Day and I had my class cancelled on Wednesday due to the severe amount of rain and flooding we had. This is probably why my brain feels like it won't turn on. I've attempted to start my reading several times and actually find the material engaging. However, my brain begins to wander and I find myself preferring to sit on my ass and stare at various screens. I am hoping that forcing myself to be active and interactive tomorrow will jump start my brain.
On another note, speaking of the rain, it seems it killed my car. Or rather, my car's battery. Feeling stir crazy yesterday, Shannon and I attempted to leave the house only to find that my car wouldn't start. It seems I have enough battery left to work the lights but not enough to jump start the car. And of course, this would happen when my entire family is in Tennessee for my step-sister's wedding. The wedding I couldn't go to because I didn't want to miss my Wednesday class....the one that was cancelled because of the rain. Because there are no cars left in our driveway and because I don't know anyone in the immediate area, I can not jump start my car to see if it is indeed the battery(for the love of god I hope it's the battery). This means that Sae(Shannon's preferred nickname) are going REALLY stir crazy now.
Thankfully, my aunt is picking us up on Sunday to go to Philly to visit my cousin. I am excited to see the outside world....